That sounds crazy….365 days. It sounds even crazier when you think about your children and how fast 365 days flies by. I mean in the blink of an eye the year is over and your once newborn is saying a few gibberish words and toddling around the living room.
Want to know one of my fears as a mother? Forgetting. Yes forgetting. Forgetting it all. So I am going to sit here and try to remember it all.
I have held you for 365 days today and in those days I never want to to forget the first time I felt your little body rest on mine. The weight of you on my chest. Your wrinkly little hands. The smell of your freshness. Your vibrating little newborn cry. The first time I nursed you. The smell of milk on my chest after every feeding. Your soft grunts and gargle noises. The way your fists were always balled up. Your goggly eyes trying to see me. Swaddling you. Smelling you on me were I held you in my arms. Rubbing my lips across your soft little face. Breathing you in as I kissed you. The soft little hairs on your head. The way you rubbed me as you nursed yourself to sleep. Sitting up with you at 3 am with early morning music videos on the tv trying to burp you. Rooting against my chest as though you hadn’t eaten in days. Shoving my face into the back of your chubby little neck, I could eat you up. Your robotic like movements. The sound of your hands clapping against the floor as you crawl to me. Your chubby legs kicking in your carseat. Hearing you cooing and hiccup. The dimples on your chubby manly baby hands. The soft smooth ticklish bottoms of your feet. Your deep belly laughs. The way you pick up toys. How you grab at my legs wanting to be held. The way you whimper and look up at me trying to convince me to pick you up. The way to walk all bow legged and on a mission. Your sweet little giggles. How you love to blow raspberries. Your spaces between your teeth. The way your slobber kisses feel on my cheek. The way you kick your legs while I hold you to get me to dance with you. Your not so subtle ways you let me know you are hungry. The love you have for your lovey. They way your tiny fingers rub the silk fabric on your lovey. How warm and squishy your neck is when I kiss it. The sound of my name. The yells for me when you can’t find me. The way you long for me as I walk away. Your big pouty lip. Your beautiful long eyelashes. The way you hold onto my shirt when I rock you. You warm little body cuddled up next to me at night. The gibberish sounds you make while sucking on your pacifier. The new sounds and words you try so hard to say. The way you pucker your lips.
I honestly don’t think I could sit and type anymore out because I cannot see through the tears. It breaks my heart how fast the first year goes by. The newborn stage lasts for 2 weeks. The sounds they make and the way they look starts to mature and change right before your eyes. Then the baby stage is only maybe 10 months and by then they are crawling, pulling up, and trying to say words. And then you have a one year old a toddler. A little one year old toddling around your living room and saying words that you think you can understand. This is crazy.
Soak it up. Live it up. Memorize it. Take it all in and hold onto it forever.
I will hold you for a million trillion more!